Alec Baldwin’s President Trump declared a national emergency on this week’s Saturday Night Live, with reasoning that’s “even easier to understand if you’re not smart.”
“Wall works. Wall makes safe,” Trump explained during a presser on why he needs money for protection around “the brown line, as many have asked me not to call it.”
The POTUS continued by rattling off how the whole plan is going to spiral anyway, until he’s left calling his friend Brett Kavanaugh — who will answer, “New phone. Who dis?” Trump noted — and then “my personal hell of playing President will finally be over,” he finished.
Trump then moved on to questions from the media — just not NBC because “they suck,” as does ABC, “but at least they have Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. We love the S.H.I.E.L.D.” (Does POTUS think the show is about agents that shield a giant wall?) Meanwhile, a Playboy reporter got shot (“Sit down or I’m switching back to Hustler.”) and a “girl one” got more truth than she bargained for.
“Technically, this is my first real job,” Trump told the female journalist. “I remember when Obama explained presidency to me in the Oval Office… I thought Obama was joking.” And had he known what he knows now about the gig, “I would have told Putin to just give the job to Hillary instead,” Trump admitted.
But since there’s a so-called real national emergency, work Trump must, which means “I need to go to Mar-a-Lago so I can play some golf,” he concluded.